Freddie Crane's Hardship
by VhaugnndeixO
Summary: When 18 Y.O. Freddie is ready for college, and a new love, his parents celebrate with him, then a terrible assault befalls him. Freddie feels broken and devastated, as does his family, but soon the family and his new love, Jungay, start to help the boy heal in their own ways. Includes Lillith, Niles, Daphne, Martin.
1. Green And Hunter Green

They seemed almost like they never divorced at all, Freddie thought.

Freddie had gotten Frasier to join he and Lillith in Boston to jointly celebrate his acceptance to college.  
He was eighteen and had grown into a slightly reubenesque but not so slightly gorgeous young man of Frasier's height.  
His brown hair darkened and kind of curled like his father's when it was long enough.

His wardrobe consisted only of items green and hunter green.  
Though though bizarre as it was Frasier appreciated how well it looked on him. His voice matured to a medium deep, attractive tone and still had those bedroom eyes.

They enjoyed dinner and talked of what was to come for the boy.  
Studying Astronomy at Boston University.  
He long had been fascinated with space and our most basest origins.  
He aimed to work all the way to the Doctorate degree, and ironically become yet another Crane doctor, though not positioned to help people.  
Lillith was ecstatic and had wine and Freddie enjoyed their pleasant goings back and forth.  
Upon arriving back at his and Lillith's apartment his parents were exhausted.  
It was arranged that Frasier stay a couple nights then go back to San Francisco. This was the first night.

Sometime during the winding down Lillith divulged, intoxicated but nonetheless truly, "Frederick, you know, your father and I may not be together anymore, we may not love each other anymore, but we do love you as we always have, and we'll always be here as a family for you." And she rubbed his back.

"Thank you, mom."  
He wondered if those words would be true when they learned he had a boyfriend.  
When his parents went to bed, Lillith in her bed and Frasier on the couch, Freddie couldn't sleep.  
He had too much excitement and was too happy.  
So he decided to get in his car and drive for a little while. It was eleven o'clock.

He drove to a less dense area of Boston, an innocent road with few homes. He'd been on the road before and enjoyed driving it.

He parked and got out to pee, and stood at his car to think. Happily.

"Young man."  
Freddie turned to see a cop standing behind him, opposite the side of the front hood where he was.

"You look like a suspect we're after."  
Freddie noticed a cop car next to him, with another cop in it, but never heard it.

"You need you to come down with us, stand in a line-up. Won't be terribly inconvenient."

"Uh, sir-"

"Boy, we're in public; do I need to force you?"

"No, sir." Freddie shakily got in the back of their car.


	2. Young Man, He Said

The driving officer didn't go to the station. He went to another off road that was empty. Freddie was scared and felt things were wrong.

"Get out."

Freddie did and they bent him suddenly over the hood with a gun at his head.

"There's two things you need to know, faggot. One, it's gonna hurt. Two, you're gonna bleed."

"No! No! No!"

Freddie tried to fight but was defeated with a gun at the back of his head and the cop pushed him back onto the hood with it.

"Chill, kid. It's gonna feel good...for us."

The man then put his hand down Freddie's pants and felt him and he knew he had no fight left. He knew the trouble he was in and his heart and stomach sank with dread. He only wanted to get back home. He thought about Jungay.

The cops took his clothes off as he uselessly begged in tears while trying to not make the gun go off. The boy was then turned around and was in total shock as one of the men went down on him, the gun descending from his head. Freddie didn't know what to do. It happened before his brain caught up.  
He knew he was being assaulted but was quite aroused, and wanted out of this moment.

The other man leered evilly into him. His hands were not bound but he had no control. When the assaulting cop used his tongue at the under base Freddie felt it begin. The building of a beast. He groaned and bent in half over him. The cop squoze Freddie's butt, held his organ in his mouth and enjoyed a nuzzle in his pubic hair. Freddie cried for him to let go. The cop rose and pushed Freddie down to his knees, loudening his sobs. The man took his engorgement out of his pants and pried the boy's mouth open with it.

Freddie screamed against it, then had his head pressed against the metal just above the tire, and held still. The shaft pushed farther down his throat and he went silent, struggling to breathe. Then he quickly darted it back and forth, fucking his face.

"You like that rod, don't ya, fag?"

Freddie looked up at the man, who was an ugly leviathan in his sight.

"No teeth," the other cop said.

His throat and face began aching as he hoped he wouldn't have to swallow what he knew was coming. The cop grunted and went harder.  
Then Freddie felt the warm expulsion hit, but was thankful he wouldn't taste it. The cop held there and told the boy to swallow.  
When he managed to do so, he knew he would be vomiting later. His face clenched in distress as it withdrew. He felt the semen go down his esophagus and inch down. Then the other cop used his mouth in the same way. Then they stood him up and turned him over onto his stomach. His wrists were finally handcuffed behind his back. He felt the cop's hand on his neck and his barrel on his butt. The other cop stood at the other side of the hood, cocked the gun and put it to his head.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...please, please!"

The cop looking at him lowered his face closer to the frightened victim.

"What do you think we're gonna do to you?"

"I-I-I think your'e gonna hurt me. Please don't hu-"

Agony surged quickly into him as he was penetrated by steel. He had never screamed before that moment and tried to move away from the assault, but he couldn't in the littlest.

"It hurts! It hurts!"

"Don't move too much; you don't want the gun going off."

They chuckled and gripped his hair and pulled up harshly, allowing the diaphragm to expel a greater sound.

"You don't know how hard you're making our dicks, you little faggot. I gotta stretch ya."

"No! No!"

He slammed Freddie onto the hood hard and continued to thrust the gun.

"Yeah, I'm givin' you some anal, boy. Does it hurt?"

He then took the gun out of his victim and replaced it with his own organ.

Freddie screamed again and was stretched too far and his body blazed in pain. He heard the cop on him say, "That is a mighty stretched asshole."

"Think he'd like to see it?" said the other.

"Sure would."

His mind was too stunned to try to figure what they meant.

"Hey, kid."

Freddie opened his eyes and was seeing a photograph on a cell phone held by the second man.

"That's the cock inside you. Interesting, huh?"

Freddie looked at this man. He wanted to know how these men could be pleasured by his agony.

"You got another round comin'," he told Freddie, and with that Freddie succumbed to his own helplessness. He prayed for unconsciousness from the agony but it did not come.

"Want me to fuck you harder? Does that hurt? Want me to fuck you harder?"

He gripped the handcuffs to use as leverage for harder thrusting, then layed on Freddie and groaned loud in his ear. The obstruction withdrew and the other cop replaced him. He undid his pants and said, "Put it in." Freddie was barely able to perceive what he heard, although he could perceive the blood coming out of him.

"What?"

"Second round. Put my cock inside you."

"No, no, please, no! Don't make me. Please don't make me! I can't!"

The cop put Freddie's hand on him. He felt the rubber.

"In, now."

"Oh, God! No! I can't!"

"Put it in!"

"I can't!"

"Now!"

"I can't!"

He slammed Freddie hard onto the trunk.

"Put it the fuck in you, like the little bitch you are!"

Freddie conceded and slowly put it inside himself. He cried, but when the man thrust up inside of him, his nervous system couldn't take it and he could not scream loud enough. Then the man dragged him to the back seat and layed him across it on his side and forced his penis back up Freddie's raw canal. The man's entire body force was crushing down into him, and the man stretched his body length over Freddie to compound the thrusting. Freddie wailed and tried to fight against it but those movements were all his imagination. He was paralyzed.

The other cop opened the door where Freddie's head was facing and leered in with a smile at the violent sight. Then he got in and once again entered the boy's mouth. Freddie vomited on him, but the man wasn't detoured, and made the boy finish.


	3. Merciful Point

At some merciful point he was lying on the ground in between the tire tracks. He didn't remember the attack ending. He slowly re-clothed, trying to avoid further pain throughout his entirety, but that was a failure. His brain had no concepts; but a sound caught his ears. His phone beeped the sound of a received message. He barely remembered how to open it. Upon doing so, was the photo the cop had taken.

_"Interesting, huh?"_

Freddie yelped and dropped the phone. He lifted his head up and screamed at the stars. He didn't know where he or his car was. He had to try to make it back home, but police assistance was out of the question. He knew they'd taken him ten minutes away and made a few turns, but it would take him longer on foot, but he prayed he could retread the route and make it home without anyone knowing. It was midnight. He searched for twenty minutes in fear of his surroundings. He didn't know if any kind of animal would appear.

For years he'd had recurring dreams about being in wooded or park like areas and all kinds of bears or monkeys or other animals around him. They didn't attack but they scared him. This could've been one of those places. His heart began racing as he thought he was becoming lost. He looked for posts on the road which had location numbers on them. He saw one and considered calling for help. He started crying and better judgement was coming over him. He doubted he would find his car and like some other force animated his fingers, he called his parents. Lillith answered.

"Hello, Freddie?"

"Mom, can you get me, please?"

"Freddie, what do you mean? You're not here? What in the world are you doing out?"

"I drove. I just...wanted to drive and...these cops thought I was a fucking suspect. I don't know where I am."

"Freddie, are you hurt? You sound like it."

"Yes, momma. I'm hurt."

He collapsed and sobbed.

"How are you hurt?"

He only sobbed.

"Freddie, how did they hurt you?"

She went to wake Frasier.

"Frasier, wake up! Freddie's out somewhere. He went driving and cops took him somewhere he doesn't know and they left him."

"What?" Frasier jolted up.

Lillith turned the speaker on.

"Freddie, we're calling the police to help us find you."

"No, momma, don't."

"Freddie, we have to," Frasier said. "We're going to keep you on the line and call 911. You can tell them what happened."

Freddie bawled with swelling fear of animals. When the 911 operator asked him what his trouble was they found his coordinates and the police, his parents, and an ambulance arrived. They also found his car and took it to the station lot as it would be part of the investigation. He welcomed the ambulance bed and let himself fall asleep with his fevered parents next to him.


	4. Wanted To Die, Wanted To Fall

Initial examination warranted a rape kit, which Freddie regretfully awoke to. Two male detectives asked Freddie the questions while the nurse examined and he tried to tell the most he could. They spoke over the blue curtains.

"They were police officers?"

"Yes. Said I was a suspect. I thought they'd take me to the station or something. I don't know where they came from. I didn't hear them. They were just there. Goddamn, I thought I was safe."

"You did the right thing, don't worry about that, Mr. Crane. This was their doing."

"Took me to some area. I didn't know where."

"Where there any landmarks around for you to know where you were?"

"Nothing. All I know is it was...one long pain. They just took turns raping me. They also used the gun."

"They sodomized you with their gun?"

He nodded.

"Did they both have guns?"

"Maybe, but they used...just one."

"Did they say anything to you?"

" 'Faggot. Want me to fuck you harder? Does it hurt?' "

He groaned, partly at the prodding, partly to stave off losing composure. He shook a little.

"Did you notice if they had any name tags?"

"No. Not much..uh...inssssig-insi-insignia on 'em...except their gun."

He was moved onto his stomach on the table for the final stages of medical inquiry, avoiding the side of his face and chest that ached.

"They took a picture on my phone."

"A picture?"

"My parents have it."

The detectives gathered the last information from Freddie and went to his parents to ask about the photo.

"They what?" Frasier gave the phone to the detective and he found the photo. He inhaled with shock.

"That is evil. And evidence. We'll take this picture off and give the phone back to you."

"Those savages took a photograph of what they did to him?" Lillith seethed.

"I'm afraid so, ma'am."

The detectives then retold them what they heard from Freddie. The parents cried.

"This is similar to a couple other reports we've had. We will be investigating this as a hate crime, given the names they called him, as well as a Federal offense as this might be a case of police impersonation. Dr Crane, Dr. Sternin, police impersonation is never gotten away with. This is not an ordinary rape case where the perp will likely go free and unfound. There are more serious implications here. More danger. It's not just the BPD on this; the FBI is on this as well. We're determined to find them."

Then the nurse came out to the hall.

"Thank you, officers, so very much." Lillith cried.

"We'll be in touch as soon as possible," the detectives said as they parted ways with the parents.

"Well, thank you," Frasier said.

Then the nurse the approached. "He needs surgery on his rectum urgently. We're also testing for STD's and blood and oral infection."

"Infection..." Lillith said as she sunk in grief, but he held her up.

"I gave him antibiotics for that and he'll be taken to surgery momentarily."

This was the most horrifying thing they had ever expirienced. Freddie had been so good all his life. Now they knew the trajectory of things were changed.

They went back in to see him. Freddie wanted to die, but had to confess immediately. He wanted to fall, but would wait until he saw Jungay.

"Mom, dad, I have a friend that you need to call. Tell him what happened."

He recited the number.

"Why is that necessary?" asked Lillith.

"He's my boyfriend, momma. I'm sorry you didn't know earlier. I didn't plan this."

Lillith froze but Frasier couldn't think, he only reacted.

"We will call him, son. Don't worry about anything."

They kept strong and comforted their boy until he was in the surgeons' hands. He recited the number once more and was gone. After the quiet settled for a minute, Lillith broke it.

"Boyfriend?" she said, shaken.

"Yes," Frasier said. "Boyfriend. Freddie's gay?"

They looked at each other. The fact his middle name was Gaylord was not lost on them. Frasier opened his phone.

"Nevermind, I'm gonna call him. We'll think later. What the hell time is it?"

Four a.m.


	5. The Call To A Stranger

When Frasier called him he didn't know what to say.

"Hello?"

"Hello, yes, is this Jungay?"

"Yes."

"Um, we don't know each other, sir, but you apparently know my son, Freddie Crane?"

"Yes, I do. You're his father?"

The father couldn't decipher the bizarre accent.

"Yes, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane."

"Wow, it's great to hear from you, Dr. Crane. Freddie's told me about you."

"Oh, well, uh, that's great."

He said it with a smile felt so uneasy doing this. He had to break this personal and terrible news to a boyfriend he had no idea existed five minutes ago.

"Uh, listen, Jungay, uh, I called because Freddie...Freddie..." It was crashing onto him.

"Dr. Crane, what's wrong?"

Frasier said the words. Jungay did a quick yell and sob.

He said he'd be there right away but Frasier told him to wait until around nine, as Freddie would likely be sleeping after surgery and then was no dire rush. Jungay agreed, thanked Frasier and they disconnected. Frasier let the silence soothe him.

After a minute of grief, disbelief, anger, tears, he thought his father should know.

Martin had finished lunch and was about to go out with his wife when she answered the phone.

"Hello? Frasier! Here he is."

"Hi, Fras. How's my grandson doing?"

"Oh, dad..." Frasier sobbed.

"What's wrong, Fras?"

"Freddie's not good. He-he was driving last night alone and these cops came and got him. They said he was a suspect they were after."

"Police?"

"Yes, and they took him to this area, this empty area and they...dad, they assaulted him. They assaulted my son."

"Oh, no! What'd they do?"

"They assaulted him..."

"Frasier, what did they do to him?"

"Sexually. They raped him, dad!"

"Raped him? What?"

"They raped my son. He called us and asked us to get him!"

"Where is he now?"

"He's in surgery now, and, oh, god, dad!"

"In surgery?"

"He's having surgery now. He..." Sobs overtook.

"Dad, I-I-I-I can't think. I don't know."

He resigned to Martin's encouragement and pleas to be kept updated on his grandson. He said he would inform Niles.

Frasier thought no at first, then realized he would find out anyway, so he left it at that. He had to think only of Freddie now.


	6. I Found Him Deadly

When Jungay arrived at the hospital it was noon.  
Though Freddie's parents were not prejudiced by any means, they wondered what they were looking at. He was as tall as Freddie and almost coal dark. He had wavy hair and a face they could not place as being similar to anybody they'd ever seen. A fully round nose between pointed cheekbones. His large eyes were slants, the whites of which were twinged with redness under a brow which hovered over them. His lips were stretched out across his face seemingly a bit too far. The entire look in his face was that of intent, of something deep behind it, maybe even a menace, Frasier thought. He wore a grey sweat under a red flannel one and black pants. They introduced themselves and sat in the waiting room while they told him all the facts they knew.

"He was raped by police?"

"Yes."

Jungay bowed his head and said a foreign prayer, then told them everything they didn't, Lillith rightfully more shocked than her ex-husband.

"We met a month ago at the campus. I'm going to attend with him. We have same schedule and studies. I found him deadly and talked to him. We've been quietly dating."

Lillith recalled times when Freddie went out and stayed long past his usual arrival time at home, but not long enough to raise awareness of this relationship.  
He went further on to say he lived in his own apartment. Lillith asked about his family and where his accent was from.

"My father is Gumatj Yolngu and my mom's Greek. I was raised partly in Melbourne and mostly with my father in Arnhem."

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

""Arnhem, that's in Australia, right?", Lillith asked.

"Northern, yes."

Jungay's attention then traveled off into vexation to see Freddie and hold him so badly and soothe away his trauma.  
Every kind of option went through his mind, though, among them if Freddie would want to see him out of fear.  
They hadn't planned to reveal this state of their lives in this way.


	7. Calling Claudia

When Freddie awoke he was on his stomach. Out of the cloud of drugs and numbed pain he saw Jungay's hand on his.  
He raised his eyes and saw the boy's were filled and wet. From his chair Jungay raised onto the bed's edge and tried to snuggle best he could into Freddie's shoulder and sobbed.

"I'm sorry, Freddie. It's alright. It's okay now."

With that Freddie thought not of the toil past or ahead, but of the love he knew in the present. Frasier and Lillith looked on, bewildered at the two person universe happening in front of them. They joined in the comfort of their son, which consisted of things which overlapped and drowned out in the boy's ears. He wanted to not be looked at and judged as pitiful. He didn't want their sudden convergence. He wanted only the embrace of Jungay now. His ears finally deciphered between the voices.

"How do you feel, sweetie?" Lillith's voice was a soft timbre rarer than fulgurite, and he had to retrain his own to answer.

"I'm not in pain. I need water."

They gave him the glass next to him and he lifted himself up on his elbows enough to drink. It felt cool to his every cell and he felt much better, but he looked small to the three people.

"We're glad you're feeling better. Now everything will get better, we promise," Frasier said. Freddie closed his eyes again and drank about a gallon.

"Could you give us a few minutes?"

"Could who give who a few minutes, son?"

Freddie looked at his parents. "You two. Us."

"Yes, sure," Frasier said while Lillith stood still, fixed on the two young men, and Frasier helped guide her out, though her eyes never left the perplexing pair. When they were in privacy Jungay sat beside him and rubbed his back.

"How do you feel, love, really?"

"Dizzy. Drugged. But no pain."

"I'm so glad." He kissed Freddie's forehead and in his hair. He said some words in Gumatj that Freddie always liked to hear.

"I'll be okay. I'll...be fine."

"I know you will. You have all the resources you need, Freddie."

Freddie knew he had feelings for Jungay for a reason. Jungay kept talking and made him laugh. Jungay hated that some tears came to him. Freddie immediately wiped them for him.

"I'm okay, Jun."

Jungay layed his face to be close with Freddie and let a few sobs escape. Freddie needed no care for himself, only care that Jungay wasn't becoming too pained over him. Jungay was the first and closest thing to real love he ever had come his way, and he worried this development might change things between them which hadn't even begun to rear. But by this moment he judged that his boyfriend wanted his recovery, he was happy again. He pawed through his black hair and they stayed like that until Jungay regretfully had to leave. When Frasier and Lillith said good-bye Frasier found himself hugging the boy. His gaze into him was something unspoken. When they parted Jungay couldn't wait to crumble at home. When he called his mother, Claudia, she helped him feel better about this distress, and wished him and Freddie to have better times when this was past them.


	8. An Apropos Window

Throughout his three day stay Freddie kept thinking if there was something he should have seen in those cops, something that told him they were dangerous, that they were lying to him. His parents and the detectives that took his report assured he did nothing wrong.  
But Freddie knew he'd never believe it. The other thing was where to go from here. He didn't want to go home with his mom, instead in his mind tugged a gravitation toward Frasier. He hadn't seen his father enough in his life and this event triggered needs that were miles deep. And Lillith had no where near the ability to furnish the tender treatment he needed. He had applied to the University Of Washington and ones in California to make travel to see each other much easier but they declined to accept him.

His other application to Boston U was accepted and they had a better astronomy program than others he considered.  
Now in this hospital bed with stitches in his rectum, and wondering how he ever let himself fall prey, all the hard work and striving for his dream felt to be frozen, possibly never be revived to life again. And though they shared the same professional expertise, Frasier had gentleness and understanding that he missed and never felt from Lillith. Freddie decided he wanted more time with Frasier and never would be a more àpropos window than this. After a few hours Jungay had to leave and Lillith went to get them some food. Frasier kept asking if anything could be done for him.

"Dad, can I-can I say with you? For a while?"

Frasier's arms enfolded him with the answer.

"Of course, Freddie. Absolutely! Oh, of course, I'd love to have you, son."

Freddie felt some of his pain alleviate.

His father's voice quieted. "I'd love it. But I have to ask, when did you begin to have feelings for men?"

"I don't really know. Girls haven't done much for me recently. Then when Jungay came my way I felt it, attraction to him. He's intense and very interesting. And it felt really right."

Frasier saw a lightness come over his face.

"I fell in love with his accent."

"It is diffirent." They laughed.

"So, do you feel like you love him or is it just like or, is too soon or is it just none of my business?"

Freddie smiled.

"We have a deep connection. I don't know, it's like a pull, like something else is guiding it. It really feels right."

Frasier was overjoyed with those words. He had become more like his dad than he ever knew. He thought of what else he would learn, and how depressing it was it took this crime to make such learning happen. Every night either Frasier or Lillith stayed beside him. He endured the soreness from the surgery. They helped him walk around. He suffered not eating what he wanted, as was necessary to heal. Only soup, jello and water sufficed. The hospital room felt like time was static. The frustration was almost like what he experienced during the rape. He wanted to burst out of himself like a gamma ray. Shoot millions of light years away. Make it all forgotten and sucked down into a black hole. He cried in this frustration and his parents were helpless. They talked him through those days and consulted with eah other the best way to handle the situation when it came time to leave.


	9. The Deft Besieger

Martin told Niles what happened over the phone.

"Niles, what are we gonna do? How could this happen-to Freddie?!"

Niles stared bewilderedly at Daphne, who was crying over the little boy she remembered being hurt so. She thought of how happy he was then to see her when he visited Seattle. She didn't want that little boy to change.

"I'm just as-just a devastated as you are, dad. And as Frasier is and-"

"No where near as much as Freddie. Oh, God, my grandson. I don't believe police officers did this to him, neither do the real cops. They had to have been impostors. There's no other way in hell, for God's sakes. Frasier told me they're getting every law enforcement on it. I'm confident they'll be found, Niles. They have to. But what are we gonna do? What-what-what do we say?"

"What everybody has to do, dad-when we see him again or talk with him, is love him and tell him that we do and offer our emotional availability to him.  
He doesn't need a rock of support right now; he needs an entire quarry."

Martin said, "Well, that's what family is. That's what we'll do."

* * *

The fourth day's morning brought the finalities of his release and instructions for his care given. Lillith's mind wasn't able to seize the happenings. And it didn't help when Freddie told her would be staying in San Francisco. She couldn't take in that he didn't want to be home with her. She wanted him to come and take care of him, let all this settle in and work through it all as a family, in Boston, but he didn't want that with her. But she knew she couldn't contest. She sat bedside him on the bed's edge.

"Freddie, I want you to know I will support anything you need to heal. I will support anything you need to heal."

She touched his hair and it was so soft. He looked with those bedroom eyes into her. He hadn't expected her handling him like this. He didn't know how either of them would be with him or this experience. He was thinking maybe ithe worst thing he could have done was to call in the first place.

_Maybe I was closer to my car than I thought. God, there weren't any animals around! Those are just the nightmares, Freddie! What the fuck...could I have done? Maybe-__then maybe I would have bled to death._

"And I'm so glad you asked for it. I really am. You're so strong and I'm very proud of you."

"You're proud?"

"Yes, Frederick. I know you're sad and angry and hurt, we all are and will be for quite awhile. And we know that we will never know what this is like for you, and I'm so sorry we won't."

She crumbled into tears.

"You're my boy. And I hate this happened."

He hugged her. When he calmed her he asked his dad to help him in the shower before leaving, and Frasier did so. He helped him walk carefully and Freddie stripped of his own volition in his father's view and had no care. He stood naked under the spray with his palms facing up at chest level and baptized the violation and examinations and surgery off his body. He closed his eyes and gave an outcry. This was an intimate and pivotal ceremony that was deeper than water on skin. With permission he assisted his son in washing.

"Do you feel alright?"

"Yeah."

It lasted for about an hour and while he dried himself nausea came, possibly from the heat or claustrophobia. He tried to stave it off and keep the minimal soup he'd been able to eat down, but the bile started up his esophagus and filled his throat. Frasier put his hand into his hair and asked, "are you alright, son?"

Freddie gripped one hand to the sink, the other to the tank and vomited in the toilet. Long miserable heaves overtook him and trying to regain breath only expelled more. Frasier steadied him while Lillith heard it all from the other side. She cried for his strife. She wanted to be in there with him and help him, but she let him have this private time with his father. When he emptied the last of his stomach he was able to breathe and cough freely. He let the shakiness pass and retreated his hunched stance. Frasier had Lillith give him the boy's pants so he could sit on the closed lid. He put a cold wet towel to his face and instructed him to breathe in his nose, out his mouth. Freddie moaned complete exhaustion into the towel as Frasier knelt beside and rubbed his back.

Freddie said in a small voice, "don't do that, dad."

"Okay."

The boy allowed his strained muscles to unbend and temperature cool. Frasier said nothing as Freddie cried. Everyone else had, now the one most deserving of the tears finally let them come. But the crying was in a different way than he expected it to be. It wasn't a painful, wrenching sting of grief or devastation or shame. He had no such thoughts in his mind, but instead concentrated onto the out flowing tears and the way they felt in his eyes. They itched his skin on their downward traverse. The small sounds of ache and shaking shoulders were breaking Frasier's heart. He desired to clutch him, but knew he needed to be just as he was, in his space. He was glad he had the ability to cry and cherished this rare intimacy.

"Can I get dressed in private?"

"Absolutely." He handed him the rest of his clothes and left.

"Lillith, what is this? What are we gonna do?"

She just stared at the door, her right arm supporting her other, and her left hand to her mouth, empty of answers. Upon exiting he looked rather handsome. His hair back and darkened from damp. A black sweatshirt with a green trim around the edges. His face was a good pale, not heavy with the things that covered it an hour ago.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

She touched his hair.

"Yeah, a little better," he said.

She enveloped her arms around him in desperate tenderness. He gave it back with his last strength after the physical and emotional cleansing. Showers usually energized him, now he was feeling tiredness and at the same time, not. He felt emptiness, though it was not in the sense of missing something. It was in the sense of not needing anything.

"I love you so, so, so much, Freddie." She tightened around him.

"I love you, too, momma."

* * *

That night Freddie was home to pack necessary possessions, but stayed the night at Jungay's to say goodbye to his boyfriend for the indefinite time ahead. Freddie felt relief to be away and in quiet with someone who served a purpose in his life no one else could meet. They ate Greek soup and undressed to their underwear and cuddled warmly in the sheets for several hours until night.

"What did my parents tell you?"

"What they heard from you."

"I want to tell you."

"I want to hear."

Freddie retold the crime against him, but poured more details of his terror and pain, of thinking about Jungay and wanting sex with him to be the fist of his life. They had kissed and fondled through clothes and cuddled as they were now, even dry humping themselves to orgasm. But now he had to live with his assailants' touch and penetration. However the one aspect he could not speak was the cop having suckled him and Freddie cuming in his mouth. He could live with the other facts and retell them, but not this one and never would. In his inherited clinical mind he had some sense to know he was manipulated by a deft besieger. In his forefront mind was a combat of emotion, for such a personal action, privileged by intimacy he was only beginning to meet the threshold of, had been taken so indecorously.

He told not the detectives this. He would not tell his parents this. Not Jungay.

"I thought about you."

"Did it make it easier?"

Freddie shook no and gasped out sobs.

"I begged them. I told them it hurt. I've never been that alone before."

"I know you haven't, and I am so very sorry and I promise it wasn't your fault. Don't you dare think it is, Freddie, ever."

He hindered to add I love you. He didn't want to overly burden this moment. He nuzzled in closer and pawed Freddie's hair.

"I promise you it'll get better. You're still the same good person that...everyone you know loves so much. And you will never not be."

Freddie looked at him a last time then went to sleep. Jungay could only watch as tears peeled into the pillow. In the morning they gathered up the last and prepared to part.

"Do you understand why?" Freddie asked him.

"I do. I know exactly."

Jungay rested his arms around his shoulders.

"And when you get back, I'll be here with open arms, and an open bed."

Freddie smiled and kissed him, then Jungay kissed his neck lightly, and excitement came to Freddie.

"Again."

Jungay continued and immediately aroused the white boy and Freddie placed his boyfriend's hand between his legs. Jungay let out a surprised groan, not sure whether this should be happening, but it bordered on a growl and that excited Freddie. He craved his mouth on his. They kissed deeply and moaned in the other's mouth. Freddie guided him to rub his hand into his crotch. This was what Jungay made him feel. That he was alright. He didn't feel apprehensive to touch or being shown affection. He thought he wouldn't be wanting intimacy at all for a great while, but Jungay's kiss and hand and terribly arousing growl made it come back to him. And his immense comfort and reassurance last night proved that the understanding he needed so was right here.

Jungay was now letting his own arousal be known.

"I want you...to do what you like," Freddie told him, but Jungay thought better.

"I think this is all we should do. Trust me."

Freddie was disappointed.

"I don't feel we should." Jungay knew what Freddie wanted, a more intimate encounter. As fragile as Freddie was he still felt hurt. Jungay saw it, removed his hand and hugged him close. Freddie didn't want rejection. He wanted to be loved and shown affection. He didn't want to feel his first opportunity at love was taken. He didn't want his image besmirched in Jungay's eyes. Jungay urged him to understand that it wasn't the right time to do anything too intimate just yet, and they'd already been intimate in their way and they would be as soon as Freddie was recovered more. He rocked Freddie side to side as Freddie stayed silent, but agreed with his man.

"You still want me?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

He drew away from Freddie to look at him.

"I'll never not. You're no different and this wasn't your fault. I want you to know that whatever happens from here, no matter if there is capture, trial, if you have to do something you don't want, whatever happens, I am here, and I love you. I can't help but say that I do love you. We're just teenagers, so whatever that is to us, it is. You don't have to worry about anything again. You're safe."

Freddie didn't understand how he was receiving so much understanding. He felt disconnected to love, to how anyone could view him as anything more that what those men did to him. A small part of his clinical mind was saying this was normal, but was greatly overtaken by the wretched, degrading shame. He was scared. He was scared for what the rest of his life would be. Where would this guide their relationship and would they have one for long? He was scared for the results of the STD test. Freddie conceded to Jungay's assurances and finally Frasier arrived and father and son departed for San Francisco.


	10. Whatever That Might Entail

Frasier and Freddie met their one p.m. arrival time and got into a cab to Frasier's house. He bought it after he ended his television show and went back into normal practice. It was a one story and he was still single, which he was grateful for now.

"Do you feel okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, dad."

He kissed his son's head and Freddie layed on his shoulder for the rest of the ride. After a good lunch Freddie was able to keep down Frasier opened the bedroom door and helped Freddie unpack his one bag into the bathroom and on the bed.

Frasier asked, "So, um, do you want to talk? You know we can about absolutely anything."

"I want to just sleep," his son said with great tiredness and vacuity.

"I understand, son. I'll be right out here. I love you."

Frasier really didn't want to leave him just yet, but his son was in no ability to talk.

"I love you, too," Freddie said without looking up.

His dad let him be alone and upon entering the living room saw it was five p.m. He remembered when he used to see Martin in his chair with Eddie. Frasier began to grieve now. He thought suddenly of all the time he and Freddie hadn't spent together in over ten years, but would not let bitterness come. His long gained command of psychology told that Freddie would have a plumb amount of bitterness and emotional strife in the oncoming process. He knew this crisis and being in this house for a length of time which was at Freddie's complete discretion for the first time, would also bring back other pains, and he would prepare for whatever that might entail. He went to sit on the couch but wound up falling onto it when he picked up the ringing phone.

"Hello. Hi, dad."

"Hey, Fras. How's Freddie doing?"

"Sleeping."

"How are you doing?"

There was silence.

"What happened, dad? What happened?"

"Frasier, I know these had to have been impostors in the uniform. There's no other way, I know.  
Niles looked for anything similar happening in Boston but there's no reports. I guess Freddie's was the first."

"No, he wasn't. They had two other similars," Frasier said flatly, his voice taking the tone he heard in Freddie.

"Dad, he's never needed me so much before."

"At least he's there. That was a good choice on his part. But don't get discouraged. They'll be found...along with God knows how many other victims."

Frasier gasped at that final image. He gave no thought there might be other young boys just like his son. Raped and scared.

"Oh, God."

"It's okay, son. It'll be alright."

"Did...I tell you that...Freddie's got a boyfriend?"

"A what?"

"Yup. His name is Jungay. He's Australian. Half Gum-something I cannot pronounce, and Greek."

"He's gay? When did that happen?"

"Freddie said when they met at the University for orientaion."

"He was at a college orientation and then found _his_ orientation," Marin laughed haughtily. Frasier tried but failed to stop himself from joining.

"Dad, come on." They laughed more. Then silence.

"This is the quiet before the storm, son."

"I know."

"Please let me speak to him as soon as possible."

"I will, dad."


	11. The Questions Of Lillith

Meanwhile Lillith languished in Boston, dizzy from reflection. Freddie was lucky to be alive. She knew his life was severely altered-not ruined-but altered beyond anything it was, or had the potential to ever be, from having endured such an ungodly crime and terror. She thought about his future. Would he continue to college? Would he become depressed? If he did would he ever resurface to his old self? Would he be suicidal? And then she thought of Jungay.

How did Freddie come to love a man? Was it even love? A crush? A phase? Not by the looks of what happened at the hospital. Jungay showed care she was not expecting, this stranger who just came up and intruded upon what she thought was the whole truth of her son's life. It had been just a month but still she was kept ignorant. What else was she kept away from? Would he use this to push her away? She wanted direly to aide in his recovery but she would have to wait until he let her. She feared he wouldn't. So she resolved to help him, somehow, from three thousand miles away. It was seven o'clock p.m. in San Francisco when she called Frasier.

"Hello? Lillith," Frasier answered.

"Hello, Frasier. How is Frederick?"

"He's sleeping, I think for a long time. He hasn't been talking much but...as much as can be expected, I guess."

"Tell him I'm thinking about him and miss him."

"I will."

"Um...I did some research and I found something that I think would benefit him a great deal."

"What's that?"

"A phone number for a rape counselor."

Frasier felt a little shock from the suggestion.

"I thought he could use it...I don't mean to be my usual self but, I know positively that he should. The people I spoke to said they are more equipt to handle victims than regular therapists."

"Why, thank you, Lillith. I-I agree, Thank you."

She recited the number and he wrote it.

"We still haven't heard anymore from the police," Lillith said. "Do think...he'll ever be the same?"

"I think it's too soon to think about that."

"Do you have Jungay's number?"

"Yes."

"Can I have it?"

"Quite."

He gave it to her.

"Thank you. I'll call again if you or Freddie don't."

"Absolutely we will talk everyday, Lillith."

"Good. Goodbye, Frasier." She had to speak quickly before she broke.

"Goodnight, Lillith."

Sitting still there in her living room, she cried with everything rising up in her mind. She wanted to do more than just offering a phone number for her hurt child.  
She wanted to know what was commencing in his life, to know him deeper that was falsely shown to her.  
Possibly then he could let her in more. And the straight line to do that was through Jungay. She wanted to know this young man.  
She called him and they arranged to meet for lunch the next day.


	12. The Place I Always Dream About

Freddie woke up screaming and fighting someone that wasn't there. Frasier came in and got him to come to, as he wasn't able to sleep too deeply and had expected this would occur.

"Freddie, it's alright. Wake up. Wake up, you don't have to fight. It's over. It's okay," said Frasier as he enfolded his son, who caught his breath but continued to shake.

"I'm here, son."

"They left me...at the place I always dream about."

"What do you mean?"

"I dream-I've dreamed for years being surrounded by animals. Monkeys and lions, mostly. Sometimes others but they never hurt me, just scare me. I thought that was where I was. I couldn't look for my car anymore; I thought they were gonna come out for me. I was so scared."

"There's nothing to be scared of now, son. It's okay now. You're safe, I promise," Frasier said as he tightened his hold, rocking him.

"They fucking left me," Freddie bawled into a pillow on Frasier's lap. This crying was grieving. Grieving for his innocence. For his every sense of security. For devastation of the assault and shame and disbelief of the reality. For his happiness. The five days that had past didn't seem to have existed at all. He still felt the cops' violating hands on him. He felt the hard intrusions they made inside his body that made him feel like he was going to throw up and die at the same time. He still saw the photograph. He still heard their tauntings. He held onto his dad's leg and let it all wave through his psyche.

"Let it out, let it out," Frasier whispered as he layed himself alongside Freddie. Freddie had never been in such dire need of him or anybody before. The only previous time was the divorce, those years ago. Now he was crying for something significantly more profound and damaging. Rage was beginning in his father.


	13. Land Clashes

Jungay wondered what was to become of this meeting. He woke up throwing up with worry over Freddie. How did she feel about him? Was she angry? He had no idea but from what was said on the phone she simply wanted more information. That he could give, but animosity he could not handle, and wouldn't pretend to for Freddie's sake. He was relieved she reached out to talk about what was happening.

He walked into the restaurant at eleven before Lillith. He knew he wouldn't be eating as he hadn't been able to in a week.  
Then she arrived. They shook hands and ordered water.

"You can call me Lillith."

"Okay, Lillith. Has Freddie talked to you?"

"No. Nothing from the police, either."

"I've been crazy about this, Lillith. Can't eat."

"Frasier told me Freddie was able to for the first time last night."

"What did you want to discuss?"

"I want to know about all of this, Jungay. How this all came to be, you two, I mean. First, I want to know about you. All about you."

"Sure. My parents met in Arnhem. My mom had some family land there and she lived there at times. My dad, Araluen, planned moving off the island to see other Australia. They took like to the other. They dated and went to Melbourne together where she was first from. Melbourne has alot of Greek people. When I was born he didn't like it much-Melbourne-and missed Arnhem, and went back. They broke up. I spent half year with him, half with her. Then when I was ten I wanted more, so eighteen months it became. We had no electric. We fished, I pulled off bark to make painting tools and spears with other kids for the others around. My dad worked miles away as a mechanic and moonlighted at rodeos. He helps get the horses and bulls back in the pens. He taught me what he knew."

"Your mom didn't mind you being away like that?"

"She knew it was important for me. Live the old way, be a part of my people. I kept my studies up, though."

She marveled at him. He was not like anybody she ever knew, and thought Freddie lucky to have met him.  
He had a depth and was appreciative of things no other youngster she knew would value. She concentrated more on him.  
She began to see how her son would be attracted to his looks. And his accent and diction were cute. It was a mixture of Gumatj, even though she didn't actually know what the language sounded like, Australian English, Greek, and the American English he was currently trying at.

"Then when I was with my mom two years ago I went on the show Talent For A Cause, where people with talents compete to raise money for charity.  
Mine was The Department For Aboriginal Affairs. I sang my way to win the show."

"You won?"

"Yes."

"Well, how much did you raise?"

"Four million. Got to keep ten percent."

"What?"

He laughed and nodded. "True. My mom has most of it, though, because I want her to."

"Then you completed school and applied to college in America?"

"I don't know why but I always wanted to see Massachusetts. I gave it try and was accepted to Boston U. I brought twenty-five thousand with me here."

"You said you have similar studies as Frederick?"

"Astronomy. My dad taught me about the stars and how to find your way with them."

"And they led you to my Frederick."

"They certain did."

She smiled at the sweetness of that irony.

"That's quite a life."

"I really have."

"Feel like eating now?"

"I do."

"And since I'm dining with a famous singer, it'll be on you, Mr..."

He laughed.

"Rungarungawa. That's the surname I use since the show. It's my aunt' married a Queensland man. The one I was born with you would not pronounce."

"Mr. Jungay Rungarungawa, what's your mother's name?"

"Claudia Theodosopolos."

He told her the story of how her family had long been involved in bureaucratic land clashes with some other Yolngu, like most whites had since the settlement, of his father's protesting and that some people in Arnhem didn't care for the fact he was half _balanda_.

"I knew they didn't love each other. They didn't pretend to. They didn't try to get married or anything. But they gave me the best love and life they could. When I was with her, I was happy and educated. With him, I was happy and educated."

"That's wonderful."

They continued on and tried to asses what to do next for Freddie.

"He's in the best place he can be right now with Frasier. I imagine you'll be next."

"I really would like that, Lillith," he smiled a handsome smile that pulled his looks together.


	14. Amidst This Swirling Vortex

Frasier awoke by soft mumbles made by his boy. It was noon and he was shocked he slept so long there next to him. Freddie was still asleep but saying words involuntarily, though they couldn't be made out. Frasier touched his hair and kissed him ever so lightly, then got up carefully and went to the bathroom. He returned and Freddie was waking up

"Good afternoon."

"Hi." Freddie sat up and stretched. Frasier sat beside him.

"How do you feel, son?" he touched his arms gently. Freddie looked down, possibly embarrassed by his swollen face.

"Blank."

He kissed his hair and forehead and Freddie exhaled. Frasier wasn't sure of what to say anymore, so maybe food would help. Freddie had lost several pounds and had to be careful with his diet for a few more days.

"It's noon. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, actually," Freddie yawned. Frasier was happy he cried himself to sleep, but he was not pleased that many more such outpourings and would be required to attain even a portion of reconcile with this crisis. They ordered in their favorite, Chinese egg noodle soup, and enjoyed it opposite each other at the table. Freddie seemed to have better spirits as they talked about San Francisco and more about Jungay.

"He won four million dollars?"

"Yup."

Then it trailed back to the last time things were good.

"You two looked real good."

"Who?"

"You and mom. You looked like you were still together."

"I'm glad you though so. Would you like to talk about her?"

"Mom?" he shrugged, "maybe later. But I wish I hadn't called."

"Why would you ever think that?"

"Everybody's looking at me. Everybody knows."

"No, that's not true, son. Look at me. You cannot believe that. This would not be easier as a secret. Rape is a heinous crime and was not your fault by any means in the universe and no one thinks that. No one's looking at you, Freddie.  
We love you immensely and are very glad you reached out and told us. Would you rather have bled to death?"

Freddie glanced down for a second, then retreated his sight back to Frasier.

"Your grandfather told me that he and your uncle and Daphne all have been aching for you, and we will find these criminals.  
They're depraved human beings who had nothing better to do than to put their depravity on other people. And they will be imprisoned for the rest of their undeserved lives. But among everything you're feeling, please don't let shame be one of them. Shame doesn't exist here, in this home. In this family."

The moments went by silently, but were spent looking into each other.

"Do you think you can believe that?"

Freddie looked down at his bare plate and bit his lip.

"You survived." Frasier moved his chair to be beside him.

"You survived and you are loved. Do you know you're loved?"

Freddie made small nods.

"I love you."

Freddie felt undeserving and could only look up without a response.

"Freddie, in my many years of practice, I've had thousands of patients, a good number of them were rape victims, even a few men. I had never experienced it, but I saw the pain. Now I'm feeling it with you, son. I don't mean to insult your intelligence by any means, but would you like me to tell about some of the feelings involved with this process?"

He nodded.

"There's anger, fear, depression, nightmares, which you've already started. Flashbacks, self blame, which I never, never want you to entertain. Feelings of vengeance. Other than the nightmare, can you tell me anything else your feeling?"

"I don't know what I feel." His voice was unrecognizable.

"Okay. Well, um, you are crying and letting it out and that's very good. I'm glad you're able to do that. How do you feel about that?"

"I'm not really a crier. I don't want to start. I don't want anything to change."

"Don't worry, son; it won't, but you need to feel what you need to feel. Don't hold anything in, at any time. You are completely safe. I promise you have all our support and our hearts and we're gonna make sure you have every ability to come to a -"

"Don't tell me I'll get over it."

"No. No, Frederick, we know you'll never get over it. But you survived. And from here you can heal. We can all make peace with this and you can go back to your regular, very promising life."

"Are you crazy?" Freddie's voice was sounding much different.

"Everything's ruined. One peaceful drive ruined everything."

"No, no, no, don't say that, son. Please don't. You know you have the strength."

"Where was it when it was happening?"

"This wasn't your fault."

"I could have anything, I could have AIDS or anything else! What then?"

"You'll keep living. But it's up to you how you do. We're not going to stop doing what we can, and you have to start looking in yourself."

"Fuck you!"

Frasier gripped the boy's face, not in anger or punishment, but in need to calm the rising outburst that was becoming wrongly directed. Given past experience he expected such to happen.

"Son, stop. It's okay. I know you're very angry and you should be. But saying such a thing to me is not the way to go. I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad. Now, I'm going to tell you what..."

The words went away like dust as Freddie heard him but had so many thoughts that he couldn't reign in, about the cop saying "young man", about turning his head and the cop car being right there. Where did it come from and why didn't he hear it approach?

_Why the fuck didn't I hear it? All I did was pee, stand at my car and then...it. It came upon me. Weren't you always taught rule number one to never let anyone take you to another location?!_

He went over every move he and those men made and attempted to wrangle it into making sense. If they had been real police then he did the proper thing to listen to them, everyone told him that. But they weren't, and there had to have been an out that he missed. Something that gave them away.

But if there had what could he have done?

Then it was plain to him. There wasn't an out. There was not anything he could have done to prevent this crime, to stop his victimization. He simply had been overpowered by two criminals who knew how to do it, who had guns that might have been loaded and gone of at any time and ended his life on that desolate pavement. Now he just wanted to push it all this down and away and have no part in the toil. His father and grandfather and boyfriend were availing their hearts and understanding and fulfilling his needs, and for that he was grateful, but that might lead to therapy being suggested, even pressed upon him.

_Oh, God, therapy would make it real._ _I have to just get through the following days without falling apart and get back to Jungay as my old self and forget about it, and make sure they do. But that'll never happen, Freddie. I can't be the son of two psychiatrists and expect to get away with not getting therapy after getting raped!_

Amidst this swirling vortex Freddie finally landed back in reality. He was calm and resting is face on Frasier's shoulder.

"It's okay, son. You are not what they did to you. You're not what they did. You're still the same-you're the same, good young man that-"

Freddie pulled away and yelled fierce.

"Don't fucking call me that!"

Frasier stilled in shock.

"What?"

"I said don't call me young fucking man ever fucking again!"

"Is that what they said to you?"

His gaze hooked into his son's and the boy's trance of frustration wasn't dissipating, but he calmly replied, "and faggot. I don't wanna hear that again."

"Okay, you won't. I'm very sorry."

Freddie's look went to stunned guilt.

"Freddie, it's okay, I'm not mad at you. It's okay. I'm really not mad at you, Freddie. Just breathe. Breathe, son."

"I'm so sorry, daddy."

His father hugged him.

"It's more than alright. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry."

"Ssshhh. You have nothing to be sorry about. Everything's alright. I love you."

Frasier felt the neediness in the boy.

"Son, I've counseled rape victims before, and I'm going to say this to you, not as a doctor, as a father."

Freddie braced himself.

"It's not your fault. It's not your shame. And it isn't your guilt. It's theirs. This is their fault. This is their shame. This is their guilt to carry; it is not yours. It's not who you are, Freddie. It's who they are. You are not responsible for their choice. And you did nothing to cause it. Do you hear me?"

Freddie nodded with a hard lump in his throat.

"Yes."

"Say it. This is not my fault."

"It's not my fault."

"This is not my shame."

"This is not my shame."

"This is not my guilt to carry. It's theirs."

He closed his eyes but the tears still peeled down. Frasier wiped them away.

"This isn't my guilt...to carry, it's theirs, the boy continued.

"This is not who I am. It's who they are."

"This is not who I am. It's who...thy are."

"Do you believe that?"

"I didn't hear their car."

"Okay, so you didn't. You didn't. Forgive yourself."

He let himself relish in his father's compassion. He had security in his expertise as a doctor, and that it wasn't overpowering the place of fatherliness.

"Dad, some of the things they forced on me, I never wanted to do, ever. They forced me. I have to live remembering that."

His father rubbed his back.

"We're going to get you the help you need, son, but it's up to you if you accept it. You have to help yourself, do you understand?"

"Okay."

"I know a perfect place to call."

Freddie was not apprehensive anymore. He accepted the phone number but could not promise when he would call. Frasier offered to do it, but Freddie declined. Freddie's strong urge to go back to bed adjourned him and he didn't re-emerge for the next four days, though all the while eating his egg noodle soup.


	15. Adagio

Lillith looked up videos of Jungay's performances on "Talent For A Cause."  
The host said, "Now, our first singer messed up this song in his audition, but tonight he's gonna give it another try. Performing in Greek tonight with "Apopse Thelo Na Pio," here is seventeen-year-old Jungay Rungarungawa!"  
It was a song about losing your troubles in smoking and drinking.

He looked more handsome then than he did now. His voice was a rich tenor, which fluctuated with heady lows and went to easy mid highs. It seemed to fit the Greek soulfully well. He had looks into the camera and mannerisms that said he meant the words. He wore clothes that she hoped he got to keep. He got good judgements and each judge, who were rich people described as an investor, a fahion designer and veteran entertainer, gave him $20,000. There was a cap on how much could be awarded each week. With each week the cap hightened, and Jungay reached his cap the first week.

He sang with control and passionate intent. He sang a couple Yolngu songs, and English. Throughout the ten performances it all led up to "Adagio," the 1730 concerto by Comaso Albinoni that was made into a pop ballad by Lara Fabian in the nineteen nineties. It was his most powerful turn and spellbinded Lillith to see, and won him the comepetition. She wondered if he would ever return to singing. He must, even if she had to persuade him herself.

She had known singers, conductors, artists, actors, and had Freddie follow in being social with them, but she hadn't seen or known or heard such like Jungay. There was almost an intimacy with him she didn't feel with the others. Maybe because of his immediate relationship with Freddie, maybe because his spirit poured forth pain, resonant and powerful, and yet jubilance through his voice that made her wonder more of him. What was in those depths and what were the origins of them? At the final notes of the song and celebration of the win she felt new questions.


	16. Sitting With April

Later that day before Freddie called the counselor he called Martin. Martin was elated to hear his voice.

"Freddie, my God, how have you been, son?"

"I'm getting better, Granpa."

"Are you sure?"

"I really am. Thanks to dad."

"You made a good choice, Freddie. It's been a long time since we've talked at all, not counting two weeks ago," referring to when Freddie told everyone he was going to college.

"Freddie, I don't know if anyone's told you this, but when these deviants are caught, there won't be a trial. It'll be straight to the charges and prison. There's not even a possibly of a plea deal, due to the Federal offense, understand?"

"Wow."

"I just didn't want you to worry about testifying or having to ever face them again. You don't have to think about them again."

The silence gave away Freddie emotion. Once again his family was rallying for him.

"Thank you, Granpa."

"You're welcome, Grandson."

Martin told him he and Niles and Daphne were praying for him to recover and to not lose hope. Freddie was immensely grateful and said he would talk to them as soon as he could.

"No rush," Martin said. He encouraged if not urged counselling. After the long conversation Freddie couldn't shake what Martin told him.

_No trial. No testimony. Lifetime imprisonment...whenever that day comes._

This was happy information, the he wasn't happy. He knew he was reacting opposite to the way he should be. He wanted to hold down the food but it was upon his esophagus once again. He threw up again in the toilet and sweat sprang through his skin. His father placed an ice packet to his forehead and repeated the treatment he administered at the hospital.

"In your nose, out your mouth."

Freddie explained what upset him.

"What Granpa said just...it was good, but...it hit me and...I shouldn't have...I don't know."

"Freddie, it's alright. Feel however you want to feel. Let it out and do what you need to do."

Freddie got up and drank some water and sat beside Frasier against the bathtub. Then a dull, surprising pain started in his rectum.

"Ow."

"Are you in pain?"

Freddie covered his face with one hand and nodded.

"Fuck..."

"I'm so sorry, I'll get you the pills."

"It doesn't end."

Frasier had no more words of opposition, of comfort, of reassurance, as reality was defeating them. He just gave his son the pills, settled him on the couch and they watched t.v. as the pain went.

He called Jungay and they spoke about everything. They said how much they missed each other, that Jungay met with Lillith and that she liked him very much. Jungay said if he wanted to, then coming back to Boston should be the choice he makes.

He felt he had probably received enough with his father, and was now strong enough to go back and face it with Jungay. They continued talking about Lillith. Freddie was taken aback by her invitation to him, but happy it all went well. Freddie told his dad what he was thinking the next day.

"Freddie, I think you should stay here. I think you should start therapy asap. Don't leave just yet."

"I miss Jun lot. I can get help there and I need him."

"Alright, but, what about being here?"

"Dad, I would feel so much worse if I hadn't came here. My thereapy's already started. You've helped me so much and I can't thank you enough."

"That's wonderful to hear, son. But you know to say that you have along journey ahead. You're going to have bad days, then some good days, and some really bad days. You know progress isn't a straight line."

Freddie nodded.

"I'm very happy that you met someone you feel good with and who's good to you. I like Jungay very much. You seem like a perfect match for each other. I know how you're feeling with excitement and wonder and urges and you need to feel that. Don't lose that. But I'd like to know if any of that has...changed..you know...have your feelings changed?"

"Well, our relationship isn't going to be what it was going to. It was good...now I don't know."

"Don't think he thinks any different of you. I know he doesn't. If he loves you, he won't."

"Dad, when it was happening, I didn't feel like me. I felt disconnected from myself and what was going on."

"Yes, that is very common. You were in shock and survival mode."

Frasier didn't expect the emotion to hit just then. He turned his head and inhaled. Freddie looked at him in concern. Frasier softly gripped his son's wrist.

"And you did survive. And you are okay in this moment, and you will continue to always be. There is nothing wrong with you. You just have to go through what you have to. Doubt, hatred, self hatred, and self blame are all part of what you'll be facing. But you know, you know what's on the end of that. You know you'll find yourself again and love yourself again, and be happy with your life."

Freddie's face started new tracks of tears. Frasier had to wipe them away.

"I don't want you to worry. You're a budding young man, who was traumatized and violated, and you have shown yourself to be way stronger than I ever thought. And way stronger than I could ever hope to be. I admire you more than anyone I thought I did."

"Even the philosophers and scientists?"

"Yes. You trump them all and leave them in the dust."

* * *

Freddie decided to stay in San Francisco and at last called a sexual assault crisis center. He was pleased with the compassion of the counselor. He gave some elaboration of his situation and the man asked if he wanted his session to be with a man or woman. Freddie wanted to sit and talk with a woman. The man assigned him for Wednesday at two p.m.  
Frasier accompanied him. They didn't wait long in the larger than expected waiting room. There were several doors around them and tall glass windows.

"Freddie?" The counselor called. He got up and she introduced herself.

"Hello, Freddie. My name is April. Come in."

She sounded patient. A tall black woman with straightened hair in a short ponytail and elegant, wide-spaced eyes. They sat down in the sparse, light green room.

"Now, Freddie, before we begin, can you tell me about yourself?"

"Umm, I'm a student at Boston, almost."

"Almost?"

"Yeah, my plans kinda stopped."

"I understand."

"It happened in Boston..a couple weeks ago and I came here to stay with my dad."

"Okay. Did you live alone or...?"

"I lived with my mom. I...didn't want to stay with her...after. I wanted and needed my dad very bad."

""They're divorced?"

"Yeah."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"Okay. Let's begin with what brought you here. It happened just a couple weeks ago. What happened?"

"I was driving at night and got picked up by cops. Everybody thinks they're impostors, but they picked me up, at night and said I looked like a suspect they were looking for."

He lowered his head and April let him think and prepare.

"They kidnapped me and they...forced oral and anal sex on me. They also sodomized me with their guns and then left me for dead on the ground."

"How did you survive?"

"I tried to find my car, but wound up calling my parents."

"And they rescued you?"

"Very much so."

"You're lucky for that. Did you go to the hospital?"

"Yeah, everybody under the sun showed up and I had surgery."

"I'm glad you're still here. Can you tell me how you've been feeling?"

"Don't you know how I feel?"

"The question's not for me. The question is for you. And the answer is for you. You have to let your voice out; it's very important."

"I let my voice out when I screamed. No one heard me."

"I am."

"They made it the worst they could. They handcuffed my hands and put their guns to my head and inside me. They were right there, you know? My hands were right there where they were violating me. Right fucking there and I couldn't do anything!"

"What did you feel?"

"Like I had never been that out of control. Never been that much in fear of anything. Loneliness ..and helpless. I've never felt that alone in my life."

"How do you feel now you're not alone anymore?"

"Like maybe it was a dream. Almost like it didn't happen. I have nightmares and I cry, but it's like I'm crying over a movie or something. You know what I mean?"

"Very much."

They talked about his fears of disease. Of what it might mean for his relationship. And he told her the secret, of what the man made him do in his mouth.

"Tell him, Freddie. He knows none of this was your fault. You gotta tell him everything you can. You need to be as intimate with him as possible."

"I used to think I wanted that, but.. I just hate that this is _known _about me."

"Would it have been feasible for you to have survived on your own? Not told anyone?"

"I would have bled to death. But that doesn't make me feel better."

"You feel like they think of you different."

"Yeah, I do. I hate that I can't control... what they think."

"They don't think what you think they do, Freddie. But that's natural and doesn't go away until it's ready. This process can't be talked away. It has to be felt and then dealt with. That's what I'm here for."

The session went on like this for an hour and Freddie was more satisfied than he expected. He liked April very much and she treated him exactly how he wanted. She got out of him truth and vulnerability. She had a sort of hard compassion. An off-shoot of tough love. He told Frasier that he felt better than he had since it happened. He called Lillith and she couldn't have been happier at the news.

"I can't wait for you to come back, Frederick. I want to hug you and I love you so much."

Freddie said with a smile, "I love you too, mom."


	17. Chapter 17

The sessions with April made for much easier days ahead. She got down into the roots of his hurt, his toil and even hatred, and lent him a a new way of thinking and digesting all that. Every time he talked with her, he cried, but every time he left her, he felt a little more above his pain, a litttle more above the incident. He didn't know how she worked it.

He saw slow dissipation before his eyes of the overwhelming burden. He didn't feel like he was suffocating anymore. He had hope again. He had hope of love, maybe reviving his vision of college. Maybe reviving his goal of an astronomy career. Maybe reviving all the things he wanted. She made him think of it all again, but not just on its face, but with new feelings excitement and worth.

He saw her every day for half a month and talked with Jungay and Frasier and even Lillith. He talked to Niles and Martin and Daphne. They had only encouragement. One night he and Jungay talked especially late through the computer screen and Freddie couldn't stand to be away any longer. He found himself crying because they weren't together. Jungay asked if he wanted him to fly to San Francisco.

"I don't know. No. I want to be with you. April's done so much for me, and my dad. I'll come back soon. I need to be back there."  
Jungay smiled.

* * *

Freddie suddenly got the idea to have Jungay be a part of his therapy with April using his computer. He called her and asked if it would be at all possible. She said she did have an internet hookup and he could bring his laptop and make a video call to Boston. She said she had not done that before but it would be a good thing for both of them to do. He was ecstatic and told Jungay, who was surprised but couldn't wait to start being apart of Freddie's sessions.

Freddie suddenly got the idea to have Jungay be a part of his therapy with April using his computer. He called her and asked if it would be at all possible. She said she did have an internet hookup and he could bring his laptop and make a video call to Boston. She said she had not done that before but it would be a good thing for both of them to do. He was ecstatic and told Jungay, who was surprised but couldn't wait to start being apart of Freddie's they started she asked Jungay how he had bee affected.  
"I've never experienced anything, any crime like this before. I've tried to tell him that I love him no matter what happens, and that I'm just as upset as he is."

"Freddie, how do you see your relationship with Jungay?"

"I'm embarrassed. My first relationship was going really well. And then everything went bad and I kinda feel like..."

He stopped before he could say it. He felt like walking away from Jungay. He didn't think he could look at Jungay the same or Jungay would look at him the same. He thought it all was ruined. Tattered so that it would not be pristine again. He was staring straight at April, her look and her words urged him to continue. Jungay said his name. Freddie's heart collapsed as it all hit him again. He didn't feel this previously, and so many things were coming back. Flashbacks of that night. Doubt that he and Jungay wold be what he wanted, or be what they could have. Disgust and rage filled him and he somehow found himself walking out of the office without saying why. She tried to get him back but could not.

"I'm sorry. He left."

"No, don't be sorry. I'll call him later. It was nice to meet you and I hope he'll let you keep helping him."

"So do I."


End file.
